Have you received an email or a message from your partner that starts with “We need to talk” Your heart sinks to the pit of your stomach, and you know at some point you are going to hear the phrase: “It’s not you, it’s me.” Or you will feel yourself saying: “We just don’t have the same feelings anymore.”
When you have been together with someone for a while, there is a chance that you fall into a sedentary routine. You do the same thing each week, at the same time, and it feels comfortable. Your sex becomes irregular because one or the other of you is just not that bothered, or too tired, or maybe, you worry, they just don’t fancy you anymore. Your deeply in love with your partner, and you can’t imagine life without them.
The same routines and lack of intimacy make you feel older than your years or your years are starting to oppress you with too much meaning.
You fear that your life partner has become your friend and not your lover. So, you consider breaking up with your partner, staying friends but seeking desire with another. It will be new; it will make you feel younger and more vital. The initial pain and grief felt at the loss of your lifetime love will soon be replaced with a bond with another and you believe the risk is worth the potential reward.
Stop a moment. Stop before you risk everything. There may be such a simple reason for your feelings, and so there will be a solution.
First, testosterone levels men will always have more sex drive than women. Women create testosterone in their ovaries and adrenal glands but in much smaller amounts. Estrogen is a usual opponent of testosterone – therefore, women’s greater allocation of estrogen means that they do not have the same level of sexual desire as men. Ovaries excrete testosterone at the time when women are most fertile – life is clever that way – sex is ultimately a means of reproduction.
Second, testosterone levels in men begin to decrease starting with the age of thirty. At that age your physical body capabilities slow up a little. No-one wants a dislocated hip mid-coitus. Thus, the body goes through a process called aromatise. This is when men produce more estrogen and this destroys some of the testosterone. This not only lowers men’s sex drive, but it causes a build of fat in the breast area and around the belly region. Moobs and middle-aged spread, along with baldness, are all the result of aromatise.
Third, women will go through in the menopausal stage, which is widely accepted as a cause of women’s loss of sex drive as they grow older. It also causes a drying of the vaginal wall. However, men go through the andropause. This is a reduction in the production of testosterone in the brain and in the Leydig cells, which causes a loss of libido, erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. As we get older, age is no fun specially if you have an active sex life!
Finally, with comfort and a normal routine comes a natural lack of spark – even without the intervention of the body and age. But even this is something that we can do something about. It is not an inevitability that you will head towards your comfy pants and slippers on a Friday night.
So, before your send message to your partner, consider some alternatives first. Consider if you want to do something about your sex life and whether this is turn will help you gain back some of the intimacy, some of the excitement, which drew you to your life partner in the first place. There are a lot of choices, and a lot of these options will help with your health at the same time!
To begin with you need to eat well and exercise lots. This will give you more energy and, in the end, give you more time. It is a poor logic that staying at the gym stops you from being with your partner. The hour in the gym could be enough to revitalise you to spend the evening together in the bedroom. Or, she ends up sitting in one room watching TV, whilst you work in your office. The hour in the gym could be enough to revitalise you to spend the evening together in the bedroom.
There are certain foods that are going to help with your energy levels and sex drive. Watermelon has an important role to boost your sexual health because it contains phytonutrients – watch Dirty Dancing again – they knew what they were doing! Spices like ginger and cinnamon can literally heat things up. Then, there are a lot of foods filled with protein that will help your faster recovery – like eggs.
Then there is supplementation. There are lots of herbal plants promoted by ancient Chinese and Indian medics, which have an impact in your sexual and all-round health. In choosing supplements like Ginseng can help as a natural aphrodisiac, as can Tongkat Ali. Tongkat Ali is known as “testosterone booster” and it helps you stay young and fit. Also, Horny Goat Weed – everyone’s favourite – and yes, because the name is unique and funny. Placing a bottle of Horny Goat Weed on the table – your intentions is clear and some humour to the situation too!
Your sex life is not the problem in your relationship. This might all be too simple and reduces the emotional struggles you are facing. But stop a moment and consider if it might be the oppression of age and the sense of youth leaving – and it is the beginning you to build a harmonious relationship with the person you love to the pit of your stomach. Having a good discussion about the sex life with your partner is better.
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